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” I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived to the length of it. I want to live the width of it too.

don't stop. keep going..

You gotta believe that whatever is stopping your from this very moment won’t be in your way much longer. Don’t let this challenge, stop you from the places that you go and the places that you could see. You have to make choice to open your eyes, step out that front door and start living. Overcome this road block, by putting one front in front of the other. Start believing in yourself that you could accomplish anything that you put your mind too. YOU JUST GOTTA BELIEVE!

I honestly hope that God truly picked me to be your wife. I can’t wait to become yours if its really from God. oh marriage will be amazing with you by my side. WIth you anything can happen.. Your my kinda boy 😉 i believe you are the one! 🙂 the one I have been waiting for my whole life..  but oh my goodness if it happen its gonna be crazy. 

Your amazing. your super attractive. and fit & healthy. your so funny and crazy like me 

you don’t know it yet; but i’ll be your wife. i am having a hard time believing that God has actually told me who I will marry. I have known you more than 2 months now and we are without any communication.  

God has told me how to pray for you. your family, future and your calling on your life.  He has so many plans for your life. He wants me to pray for your outreach, your safety and for your dad and your’s relationship. He has given me so many details on how to pray for you and for our relationship. Maybe God will tell you how to pray for specifics for me.. Now that would be crazy COOOL. 

Oh my goodness. i miss you so much. i miss your face. your laughter and that smile that could light up this whole town. Gosh i miss you.   How can i miss someone that I barely knew?  i dont want to talk to you unless its not going to end up in dating/ or marriage.   I miss hanging out with you.. I loved that you hug gave me right before i left. I would love another one the rest of my life.. I can see you & me together forever and forever.  Love will find a way if its meant to be, and if not it wont happen.. Trusting God either way! 🙂 

There’s somehing about YOU that attracts me to you. There’s something about you that draws me to you. I can’t quite pin point it.. But your heart for God is sooooooo flipping attractive. You are so real and so lovely. I love being around you .. You bring something special to the ywam family. There’s something about you that attracts you to me. What is it? I hope someday soon i will figure it out. 😛 

I wanna be truly happy with being single. 

I wanna love life in everyway

I wanna know what God’s love is like 

I wanna feel it from every part of my life

I am tired of hiding, running from the saddness

His love has no end. 

I want to be happy

truly, really happy

I wanna love my body again

I wanna forget the past and enter right into the future.

i wanna i wanna i wanna be me again.

and not somebody else.

 

Tired of hurting, tired of breaking.
i am tired of this mess i brought myself into. I didn’t listen, stubborn and selfish.
but looking back i hurt myself bad in the process. I lost my confidence in standing tall. The more I look at it, the more i am learning to fall.
It’s either bend or breaking. I am breaking.
I learned to depend on boys to complete my emotional needs.
I wanted to feel important, loved and wanted attention
I wanted this but really did it fix things?
Nope i lost myself and i don’t know who i am anymore.
i just wanna be okay again. i don’t wanna wake up and each day becomes better i want it to be like BAM! your back to your normal self.
I am disappointed.
i love you but i hate you the same.
you be the one to bend and i’ll be the one to break.

Dear Jesus,

I like this boy a lot. I am trying my hardest to not like him because I need to focus on my time here in Louisville, Kentucky.  I have so much to get through during my time here. He’s distracting me. I give these thoughts and feelings to you and hope that I can see him as a brother through Christ. Help me lose my feelings for him and focus on YOU. Because right now that most important. I don’t want to over think anything anymore. Because I am not here for boys.  I am here for you. He’s distracting me greatly. If anything is supposed to happen not now but later on. 

Pretense

This book gives me butterfiies i am such a sucker for love stories and romance. You know that i have a deep feeling inside of me every since i met you. This book is like speaking to me, i am sure if its God or my crazy thoughts.  But i am seriously thinking that God made us to be together. That he told me first, gave me the feelings and i am the first to really and truly and also deeply love him because he realizes any of this.  I can’t explain this feeling inside of me. its so beautiful and so confusing at the same time. Am i stupid for feeling like this? If we are meant to be together i have no idea when or how any of thiis would work. 100% i am willing to make this work wif you 🙂 you are something soooooo special. I want to spend my life with you forever and ever.  I feel as God is confirming in my heart that we are going to be married someday!! but i have no idea 😛 time to go finish this amazing book. besides all of this. this book has words of strength and encouragement and makes me think more and also pray. i love it. sometimes its hard to put the awesome book down long enough to do something else.